Who Says You Can't Go Home...

Everything has changed. We packed up everything we owned – our whole lives and moved

across the country. LA was my home for over 20 years. We had a hate/love relationship, but far more love than hate. Los Angeles helped me find out who I was – the good, bad and ugly. It is hard to put into words what it’s like to change everything in your life overnight. New coast, new house, new job, new schools, new cars, new couch, new everything. So far so good, but still very much a work in progress. After so long in one place you start to find your place – people who really get you and love you for all your flaws and all your fabulous. You know where to go for the best bagels, best sushi, best designer knockoffs and best eyebrows. Right now, I am still using my GPS to figure out how to get to the bigger Whole Foods (the one with the juice bar) and have yet to find sushi to come close to Sugarfish in LA…but I have no doubt it is out there – I just need to find it. The whole move was scary for all of us - two kids, two dogs, two cats and two parents. Looking back, I don’t know how we did it and remained even somewhat composed -but here we are. We are settled and making new roots, making new memories and taking it a day at a time. For me, being back has been a mix of emotions. This move was something we all wanted, and we all planned, but seeing places that were part of my past has been very strange. In LA there were no childhood memories, the memories were all mine from my adult life and filled with far more smiles and laughs than tears and sadness. Here is where I grew up, only a few hours from where I was born. I drive past a childhood home a couple months ago when I was not too far after a meeting for work. My college campus was also on the way home one day, so I stopped and had a look there too. I am not used to having history in places – other than the history I created on my own. In the world of Oprah (which should honestly be its own part of Disneyland…I would pay limitless amounts of money to go there) she talks about going back, giving forgiveness and lettings yourself be free of the pain and allowing yourself to move forward. Going back to these places after so long, I realized I have done that. I was waiting for some big emotional experience – but instead I looked at these places of my past – and was able to appreciate them for what they are. The person I was then seemed so far away – not a stranger but so very different. All my years here before I was so insecure, I tried desperately to please people and make people love me. For people who know me now, in my real life, they would never guess that is who I was. So, as I drive past these places I lived – it is hard to connect to that person I was, but at the same time, all the memories and moments are there. Clearly – the hours and tens of thousands of dollars spent in therapy have done something, as I am kind of a really functional, stable, secure and happy person. Check me out! To be perfectly honest, I was a little disappointed that I didn’t have the big emotional reaction. You know, that big moment you see in the movies when the main character returns to where they grew up and is bombarded with overflowing memories of the past that makes then drop to the ground and break into sobbing tears. Nope – didn’t happen. I just kept driving – turned the music up (James Taylor of course) kept singing and I was good. So, this is where my past meets my present and where I will spend my future – and so far, so good!